Abbott and Costello Meet Windows 95

    Costello:  Hey, Abbott!
       Abbot:  Yes, Lou?
 
    Costello:  I just got my first computer.
       Abbot:  That's great Lou. What did you get? 

    Costello:  A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, 
               a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM. 
       Abbot:  That's terrific, Lou.

    Costello:  But I don't know what any of it means!! 
       Abbot:  You will in time.

    Costello:  That's exactly why I am here to see you. 
       Abbot:  Oh?

    Costello:  I heard that you are a real computer expert. 
       Abbot:  Well, I don't know-

    Costello:  Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're 
               going to train me.
       Abbot:  Really?

    Costello:  Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson. 
       Abbot:  O.K. Lou. What do want to know?

    Costello:  I am having no problem turning it on, but I 
               heard that you should be very careful how you 
               turn it off.
       Abbot:  That's true.

    Costello:  So, here I am working on my new computer and I 
               want to turn it off. What do I do?
       Abbot:  Well, first you press the Start button, and then- 

    Costello:  No, I told you, I want to turn it off. 
       Abbot:  I know, you press the Start button-

    Costello:  Wait a second. I want to turn it Off. 
               I know how to start it. So tell me what to do. 
       Abbot:  I did.

    Costello:  When?
       Abbot:  When I told you to press the Start button. 

    Costello:  Why should I press the Start button? 
       Abbot:  To shut off the computer.

    Costello:  I press Start to stop.
       Abbot:  Well Start doesn't actually stop the computer. 

    Costello:  I knew it! So what do I press? 
       Abbot:  Start.

    Costello:  Start what?
       Abbot:  Start button.

    Costello:  Start button to do what? 
       Abbot:  Shut down.

    Costello:  You don't have to get rude!
       Abbot:  No, no, no! That's not what I meant. 

    Costello:  Then say what you mean.
       Abbot:  To shut down the computer, press- 

    Costello:  Don't say, "Start!"
       Abbot:  Then what do you want me to say? 

    Costello:  Look, if I want to turn off the computer, 
               I am willing to press the Stop button, the 
               End button and Cease and Desist button, but 
               no one in their right mind presses the Start 
               to Stop.
       Abbot:  But that's what you do. 

    Costello:  And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop 
               at green lights.
       Abbot:  Don't be ridiculous. 

    Costello:  I'M being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we 
               started this conversation.
       Abbot:  What are you talking about? 

    Costello:  I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.